17 and Confused

Seventeen is definitely not your normal age to have lived in a different country for 9 months and to have created a whole new life for yourself. Nor is it the age to have to say goodbye.

I'm still astonished at how fast 9 months has all of the sudden turned into 13 days. I remember the 15th of September as thought it was yesterday. Me sitting all by myself in my room, preparing to leave and trying to soak up everything, have it become a part of me so that I would always have a bit of home for when the times got rough. I remember picking my sister up from school and us all eating lunch in the car while driving down to Boston. And then came the goodbye... I remember it seeming easier for me to say goodbye than it was for them, although deep down, pieces were falling apart. I remember me being the strongest 16 year old self I could be when I watched my life walk out the door, and a new one waiting for me in the room right behind me. And that's when it all began...

Now here I am so close to seeing my family, yet so far away from everything. It is scary to think of what is to come, and the worst part is that I have no idea where I stand emotionally, I am totally and utterly lost. I don't know if I want to be there or if I want to be here. One moment here the next there. I want one thing from here and another from there. I want people from here and people from there. I feel as though I'm lost somewhere in outer space, with my life flying towards me at top speed, yet I'm just struggling to get rid of the blind fold and figure out what I want.

I am 100% lost in an emotional battle...