One Year Ago...

The 15th of September has come again, yet this year under very different circumstances. Exactly one year ago, I was sixteen and embarking out into the world without anyone to rely on but myself. It was the beginning of me growing up, of getting not only my foot outside of the door to independence, but my whole body as well. Freedom had at last reached my freckle laden face.
Looking back upon my 365 day younger self, I seem to be a child, so ignorant and unexplored. Setting off into the world seemed to have the same effect as a firecracker upon me. I was lite up, I bloomed and now I'm a firework with no end to the things I can do. I feel unstoppable. 

My second weekend in Spain, I attended my swim teams end of the season gala. Of course now I wish I could attend again, for I now have an emotional connection with the people, team and experience. It is something that is a part of who I am now. And so when my host sister asked me to make a video for the gala tomorrow evening I agreed, although maybe with a bit of hesitation. So I thought for the first time I would give you guys a look at me speaking Spanish, and so for all of you who have been begging me to talk to you in the unique romantic language, I hope you enjoy.

 

 

 

Getting back into school has been tough, but it has been good in the sense that I am no longer wallowing in my room for hours on end. It is good to be back to a regimen, but at the same time I feel confined. Even though it may be good for me to get back into it, I feel even more lost than ever. My partner in crime has already established herself without me around, leaving me know where to fit in. I don't know where to begin, and I find myself wondering why I can't meld in, here in my own country, when I seemed to do it so effortlessly abroad. I mean shouldn't it be easier here?

Sinking In

It is finally beginning to hit me that I am home. I guess that maybe I shouldn't call it home, because home is where the heart is and at the moment my heart is still in Spain.
Getting back is hard. Everything is not the way I left it. I have to recreate a life here. I did not keep in touch with anyone, aside from a handful of people, which now leaves me bored and alone most days... well the majority of the days actually. I don't even want to begin to think about school again, considering the first day is going to be the worst. People always talk about the first day of school as being awesome, yet I'll just be glad when its over.

We just finished up with our family vacation to the beach which was actually really nice. I was surrounded by a large majority of my family and had a very safe circle for my re-entry process. Thank goodness for big, noisy families.

Cultural Differences

As I have been immersed in the American cultural for a handful of days now, I've been taking note in all of the cultural differences. All the small and or large things that are different from one country to another. 

Let the contrast wars begin...













In America:

• there are stop lights
• a large majority of the cars hold more than five people
• people will go to the super market in their pajamas
• everything is rushed...don't want to waste time
• everything happens earlier

In Spain:

• there are round-abouts instead of lights
• all cars are small city cars, five people maximum
• people will get dressed up just to go to the super market
• time is limitless, why rush things when you can go at a nice comfortable pace
• everything happens later

I have to say, before spending a year abroad,  I was fine going to the store in grungy clothes, and I didn't mind eating dinner at 5:30pm, which should technically still be the afternoon. However, after a year of adjusting myself to looking nice just to step outside or to eating dinner at 11pm, I'm having a challenge readjusting to the oh so popular American ways. 
What has really been the hardest for me to welcome back into my life again is the time schedule. I had to work really hard at the beginning of the year to adjust myself to the Spanish time cycle and now when my family begins heading to bed around 9:30-10, I'm just left alone trying to figure out something to do... and reminiscing is what usually ends up happening, which isn't the greatest idea, because I always end up feeling more lost in life than when I began.

I would love to say that transitioning back into my old life is easy, but that would be far from the truth. I feel like an alien from mars, and I can't quite figure out what I am suppose to be doing.

Home Sweet Home... ?

Its strange how time changes somethings while to others it leaves them the same. While in this past year I have changed considerably, while almost nothing has changed here in Maine. Well sure... the pool may have new flags, or the construction project that began last summer is further along, but I thought something exciting might have happened here this year in correspondence with my exciting year abroad. Although deep down I knew that I was coming back to all the same things I had left.

I feel completely and utterly lost in my own home, in my own country. My first night in my house I actually was a bit scared. The house is so big and my bed room is like an elephant compared to my mouse sized room in Spain. Its as though I don't know the house or the neighborhood, yet everything is so familiar. I went out to run errands for my mom the other day, after my family finally convinced me to get back behind the wheel again, and I felt like I was running errands on Mars. I had no idea what I was doing, I was wandering around in a daze and had to think before I spoke other wise everything would have came out in Spanish. I've had times when I get frustrated that no one speaks Spanish. I can't express myself the same. I'm speaking in English but the words come out in the Spanish order. I'm a mess.

My room has been a mess since I got home, and it even overwhelms me to try and clean it up, so it is being organized little by little. I've found that about half of the stuff in my room I want to get rid of. I'm ready to reinvent my personal space, bring in my new and improved self.

I can't say its not nice to be home, because, in a way it is. Although when people tell me its so "great to have [me] back," I can't respond that its great to be back, because I really had a great thing going over there. I felt like I fit in.

I've kind of been avoiding blogging, because I, myself am having a very difficult time deciding how I feel and it doesn't seem fair to me to be writing to you guys about how I feel, when I'm not really sure of how I feel.
I'm going to pace the exporting of my emotions in the posts so keep your self up dated and I promise the days in between posts will shorten.

Hola y Adios

In the past week or so more than enough emotions have been felt for the remainder of my life time...

Welcoming my parents back into my life was both exciting and scary. I wasn't sure if I wanted them to be here and then on the other hand I couldn't wait for them to meet everyone. Waiting for my family to come through those doors was nerve racking, a few times I had to grab onto my host brother's arm to assure myself that everything was going to go fine. Seeing them come through the doors was the strangest thing, here I've been this whole year by myself and then out of the blue my family enters. Tears were running down my face even before I got to my mom. It was the classic reunion scene, the two people hugging and crying with all the random people staring at them like their ridiculous.
My two family's got along like they were long lost friends, everyone laughing and having a good old time together, totally disregarding the language barrier. It was cool watching them all get along so well, everything just seemed to click.


Saying goodbye to my life here was WAY harder than I thought it would be. I knew that saying goodbye was going to be hard, but I definitely did not expect to have my heart broken the way it was...
I ended my last few days with my team at our championship meet, and I could not have asked for a better way to end my time with them than a weekend of fast swimming, cheering, lots of smiles and tears.

The meet went well, I finished with a bang tying for 2nd in the 50 breast stroke and assisting in a strong feminine 2nd place finish. Friday night after our team meeting type thing they put on a movie with music and pictures summing up my year with them and than gave me a framed picture of the team. Even before the movie began I was in tears, I couldn't do anything to stop crying, the tears just kept on running.

 

 

The last day of the competition was emotionally tolling. The team made me feel so special. They were all chanting my name, and then I was chosen to go up and receive the first place trophy for the combined points and then after the team picture I was swung into the pool, clothes and all.
Saying goodbye was down right heart braking, I couldn't stop crying and when I saw the bus turn the corner and disappear from my view I felt as thought a part of me had been torn away.
I didn't realize how large a part of me I had put into the team until I saw it drive away. They were my life here and I really can't imagine my life or this past year without them. Never in my life have I ever put so much of myself into something for fear that it would be all ripped away, yet this year without even noticing, I gave my year abroad everything and in the end Spain is the one that has my heart. The goodbye's that were said are not forever, because this place is where I am meant to be...

17 and Confused

Seventeen is definitely not your normal age to have lived in a different country for 9 months and to have created a whole new life for yourself. Nor is it the age to have to say goodbye.

I'm still astonished at how fast 9 months has all of the sudden turned into 13 days. I remember the 15th of September as thought it was yesterday. Me sitting all by myself in my room, preparing to leave and trying to soak up everything, have it become a part of me so that I would always have a bit of home for when the times got rough. I remember picking my sister up from school and us all eating lunch in the car while driving down to Boston. And then came the goodbye... I remember it seeming easier for me to say goodbye than it was for them, although deep down, pieces were falling apart. I remember me being the strongest 16 year old self I could be when I watched my life walk out the door, and a new one waiting for me in the room right behind me. And that's when it all began...

Now here I am so close to seeing my family, yet so far away from everything. It is scary to think of what is to come, and the worst part is that I have no idea where I stand emotionally, I am totally and utterly lost. I don't know if I want to be there or if I want to be here. One moment here the next there. I want one thing from here and another from there. I want people from here and people from there. I feel as though I'm lost somewhere in outer space, with my life flying towards me at top speed, yet I'm just struggling to get rid of the blind fold and figure out what I want.

I am 100% lost in an emotional battle...

Until The Dawn

I've lived in Spain for a little over 8 months now and up until Thursday night I had never been to a discoteca. I guess that might have something to do with the fact that I choose to swim this year, and also that I'm under age. Everything is Spain begins 3 years earlier than things back home.
When you think of a Thursday night, what do you see? Of course the answer is going to be different for everyone depending on the age, however for me, when I think of Thursday I don't think of taking a nap at 9pm and heading out in a dress and heels around 12pm. When in Spain do as the Spaniards do!
I have to say I've never really been to a huge party at all so I wasn't really sure what to expect, but I definitely was not disappointed. Since the end of the school year is arriving, the "seniors" are finishing up school and Thursday night was the graduation and then of course the after party, which was what I went to. I went with a couple people from swimming and met up with some girls on the team who were also graduating.
The discoteca was a big dark room just beating with music. It was fantastic to just throw everything away and just dance. Just let loose and be yourself.
I arrived home around 6:30am. Of course I was tired, but there is something about being free that lifts everything off your shoulders and your just you.

With my last few weeks ahead of me, I'm just trying to live here and now, not try and pull away which is turning out to be very difficult. I just want to leave without having to say goodbye, because I know that is going to be the hardest part...

Italia

Now, I never imagined getting the opportunity to study abroad in Spain, let alone getting the opportunity to travel to Italy for swimming and a bit of sight seeing.
To sum the experience up, I think the word spectacular would fit in quite well. The first day, was a bit challenging for me with the language, because it was as though I was once again brought back to ground zero when it came to communication skills. However it was nice to have people there that did understand me, either in Spanish or in English, and in Italian, well chao, prego and gratzie, were about the only words I took away from that experience. What amazed me was the fact that I was understanding things by the end of the trip, I could have a conversation with the coach almost perfectly. Once you learn one romantic language, you can understand them all... quite convenient.

FLORENCE:

 

 

 

VENICE:

 

 

Our team captain

 

please take a good luck at this picture, the bird and the boy. Of course I have another version, but I thought this one was a bit more interesting

 

our trip coincidented with the arrival of the Pope, you could say we killed 2 birds with one stone, sight seeing Venice and seeing the pope, all in one long, wonderful day.

 

Our girls team and one Italian

 

Group foto!

 
FAENZA:

al agua

 

equipacion y todo

 

I never imagined that I would ever travel to Italy, and let alone under the circumstances that I did. At moments I felt emotionally touched, I feel as though this year, I'm the luckiest girl in the world, it seems as though everything is going perfectly.

I have to say that this trip made me realize just how much a part of this team I am, and want to be. Leaving is going to be the ultimate challenge...

Flamenco

With "La Feria" beginning tomorrow, I thought I would give you guys a look into the tradition that the US lacks. The week of Feria, is basically a huge week long fair, filled with dancing, partying and of course the Flamenco dresses:

 

 

Semana Santa

If one word had to be put to the wonders of Semana Santa, I think that I would put breathtaking.  Seville seemed to become a whole different city; the streets filled with people from different countries all united with the same curiosity to take part in a world renowned week.

During the week of Semana Santa, which could literally be translated into "holy week," about 8 parades called "pasos" walk the streets each day. They consist of Nazarenos, people dressed similar to the KKK, however the colors vary. The Pasos can consist of as many Nazarenos as they want, the largest this year had about 2500, I believe. The Pasos each have 2 floats: the first of Christ and the second is of the Virgin Mary. The floats which are also called Pasos are carried by people called Costaleros, usually large men, each carrying about 50kilos. Quite a marvel.

 

Costaleros

 

Nazarenos

 

Paso de la Virgen

 

Paso del Cristo

 

 The above video is a collaboration of a few of the videos that I took this past week. Hope you guys enjoy.